The Comeback



I woke up this morning to my daily horoscope. I read these merely for entertainment purposes but occasionally, they are a direct reflection to what’s going on in my life.

“Sometimes you want to take emotionally wounded people under your wings and protect them from the cruelty of the world. However, the Moon’s return to your sensitive sign may be problematic if you want to play the role of a nurturing mother hen to everyone. You can set yourself up for a fall if you forget the importance of creating healthy boundaries. It’s one thing to care for the wellbeing of others; it’s something entirely different when you sacrifice your needs to make someone else happy. Kindness is admirable, martyrdom is not.”

A few weeks ago, I took a look in the mirror and realized how badly I had gone off course in my life. I had spent the last year of my life struggling to figure out why my efforts didn’t seem to produce the results I had hoped for. I couldn’t understand why some of the people in my life didn’t reciprocate the things I did for them. I was feeling burnt out and exhausted.

It was kind of a sad moment but also one of those things that made me see where I was truly failing in my life. I was failing myself. I was missing out on my true potential and my ability to be happy.

My entire life I have always been the person to want to help everyone and save everyone from any pain I have dealt with in my life. I am a natural mother. I am the girl that will drop everything for anyone that needs help. It didn’t matter the who the person was. I wanted to help anyone who needed help. It was kind of an addiction.

It was perplexing for me when these people that I cared so much for would not accept the advice that I knew would make their lives better.  As a result, I felt so responsible and disappointed with myself.  I don’t like to fail and yet I was constantly failing with these people.  I started to think that their decisions were a reflection on me as a person.  It was MY fault that these people were such messes and if only I had been better they would be too. I realize that sometimes, by trying to protect others from pain, I was failing them. People need to experience these things to learn a life lesson and grow from it. Sometimes these people didn’t deserve my help in the first place.

Learning to love and respect myself enough to cut ties with those who do not make me a better person has brought a significant amount of happiness back into my life. Because I love myself I want others to feel their own self-love.  I want them to know that they are special and appreciated even if its for stupid things.  After I learned to love myself, I wanted others to know I loved them too.

When I stopped trying to fix everyone else it gave me a significant amount of time to just work on me.  I made an inventory of my own flaws and have been working to fix them (for the record, I am nowhere near completion).  I have been selfish with my time and attention.  This sounds bad, but it was something I needed to do.  It actually worked out well because I needed to be selfish  As a result I feel that I have become a more complete person and I like this version of myself so much more. 

Since I realized this, it’s been empowering. I am living on purpose. Getting up every day with an agenda. I have worked out nearly every day, spent a lot of focused time with my kids and other people I care about. I am making connections with some great people who I needed and distancing myself from people I do not.

I am willing to take the steps forward that feel like steps backward. I am willing to let go of the parts of myself that I’ve grown all to comfortable with and accept the parts I am unsure of. We have to learn to take risks all over again – in the exact way that we have forgotten. It feels so good to be where I am at now. I know that this has the potential of being one of the greatest combacks in my life. Becuase I am happy, I am self-aware and never been more proud of myself.